I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
