those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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