9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
