Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
