Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
