If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
