Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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