DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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