I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
