I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
