I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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