You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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