We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
