I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
