i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
