im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
