I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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