actually, I'm a sock model
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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