Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
