i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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