Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
