mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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