I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
