i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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