You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
