I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
