Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
