Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
