Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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