Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
