i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
