I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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