does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
