is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She's the barista slut.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
