I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think your dad took our porno
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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