FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
