My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
