There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
