I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
