it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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