if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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