We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
