It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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