she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
