there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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