He disabled his match.com account in front of me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
