I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
