i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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