So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
