I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
