We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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