I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
