i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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