At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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