Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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