I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
